One of my all-time personal and professional pet hates is the ubiquitous disclaimer.
Personally it affronts me by saying: ‘I’m gonna tell you this, but don’t hold me to it; it’s likely that I’m lying to you.’
Professionally it says: ‘You’re gonna pay me to tell you this, but don’t hold me accountable for it in any way; caveat emptor, buddy.’
The following is a collection of disclaimers I have come across that either particularly irked me or that had me giggling insanely to myself. Enjoy.
Read before use
This article does not reflect the thoughts or opinions of either myself, my company, my friends, or my cat. Don’t quote me on that. Don’t quote me on anything. All rights reserved. You may distribute this article freely but you may not make a profit from it. Terms are subject to change without notice. Do not remove this disclaimer under penalty of law.
Article is provided “as is” without any warranties. Reader assumes full responsibility. An equal opportunity article. No shoes, no shirt, no articles. Quantities are limited while supplies last. If any defects are discovered, do not attempt to read them yourself, but return to an authorized service center. Read at your own risk. Parental advisory – explicit lyrics. Text may contain explicit materials some readers may find objectionable, parental guidance is advised. Keep away from sunlight. Keep away from pets and small children.
This is a not-for-profit site, but that doesn’t mean my work is considered worthless either by me or the law.
Most of the writing on this site is intended to stimulate thought. It would be churlish to insist on refraining from using the material the way any fair-minded adult might choose to.
Plagiarism is, for the most part, an ugly word for flattery. I don’t see any problem with anyone adapting my ideas in their own work, or in an attributed quote.
A request to reproduce my work is likely to be granted where it’s for a non-profit purpose.
Conversely, however, using any part of my work to make money has to involve me or it’s theft. This includes charities, academic or educational institutions, and clubs or associations. I often write professionally, so it’s my bread and butter. Please don’t steal from me.